"And now the man you've all been waiting for...."

(In a small smoke filled lounge a man in a tuxedo, bowtie undone and hanging limply around his neck, stands next to a piano. The piano player sits with hands in lap smiling and waiting for his cue. A small, intimate crowd, all in good humor, hangs on the mans every word. The sign just outside the door reads "FUDD: One Night Only", let's listen in....)

"...and that's when I towd him....Wook, I'm not weaving this twaiwer untiwl I get mower money.....and a bottow of scotch!"

(the crowd laughs)

"Thank you. You know, watts of tiwims peep-o ask me wat it was wike working with Bugs, and awl wi can say is dat Bugs was awl kwass. Seerweeuswee, peep-o think dat Bugs and I didn't get awong, but dat's not twu. The guy day have pwaying Bugs now is goowood, but he's no Bugs. I think it's Bug's nephew Cairwee Gwant Bunny, but it's hard to tewell all those wabbits apaht. I'm not a wacist or anything, but it's twu. Pwus, dem bunnies have sex AWL the damn time, they go at it wike animals. Bugs had widdle bunnies in his twaiwer awl the tiwem. I mean, I scowerd AWOT, but nuthing wike Bugs. He was into some fweeky stuff too. Peep-o think dat Bugs ohnwee dwessed wike a girl bunny on camerwah, but he was WAY into cwoss-dwessing, he wasn't gay, he just wiked wemans cwose. Dat guy cood party."

(laughter)

"I don't get dees cawa-toon kids these days....wike Spongebob...he's just not funny. Now, his Dad wuz a funny muddafugga. I worweked with him YEARS ago. Spongeron was good peep-o. He had pawert time job as dishwasher, I used to give him a hand"

(Laughter as a drummer in the background hits a rimshot)

"Thank you Kwis. Ha.....heh...Kwis Kwamer wadies and gentewmen...my dwummer Kwis Kwamer"

(applause as Kwis..I mean Kris shows his skills for a second)

"Wew, enough of my stowies fowah now..."

("Awwwws" from the crowd)

"Set-ew down..heh...I have PWENTY mo where dose came fwom....heh....I will tell you some stowies about Daffy. That wuz won cwazee phuc-er, dat duck coowood DWINK. I'll tell the won about howah he o-mowest coodent get through da "Not da WED won!" scene. Ha! Now, I'd wike to sing a widdle song for you made famous by my fwend Bette Midwer...and it goes a widdle something wike dis...pway it Wair-wee.."

(Larry, the piano player, smiles, nods and starts to play. You hear the soft plucking of a stand up bass from the darkness near the drummer)

*ahem*

"Some say wuuuuuuv....it is a wiver...dat dwowns tha tenda weeeeeed...some say WUV it is a WAYZAH....dat weaves...your sow to bwead..."

(A man in the back leans towards his date and whispers "This is nothing...you should hear his version of My Funny Vowentine...I almost cried.")