"And now...." pt. 2
"...if you are among da vewy younnnnnnnnng at hearrrrrrrrrrrrrrt"
(applause)
"Thank you vewy much. I apwee-ciate it. Thank you."
(He takes a drag from a cigarette that appears to be eternally burned to the filter)
"You know....when peep-o wekognize me on the stweet they will sometimes ask me...'El....do you wilwee talk wike dat?' and I we-pwy 'Of Cose I talk wike dis, whyda phuc would I tawk wike this if I didn't have to?!"
(Laughter)
"Cwazy bastards....heh...I mean seerweuswee....do I talk wike this...."
(He takes another drag off the cigarette and slowly exhales out his nose and then nods at his band. A steady "tish tita tish tita tish tita tishhhh" comes from the drums as the bass lumbers through a descending scale. The piano player barely tickles the keys every once in awhile just to let you know he's there and could rip off a dazzling display of dexterity at any moment.)
"Peep-o ask me awl tha time, they ask "El......how do I find twu wuv?" and I say to them.......you don't find wuv......wuv.....wuv finds YOU...(He turns and picks a glass of amber liquid off of the stool he's been using as a table.)..yeah.....wuv finds you....(he takes a slow sip from the glass and licks his lips. He pauses, trying to decide if he wants another drink. He gets a far away look, smiles and gently sets the glass back down.)
"I've wuved many women in my wifetime.....too many in fact...some say I fawl in wuv too easy....and maybe I do...but I've ohnwee had one twu wuv...and dat was my first wife Verwonica.....(The far away look crosses his face again and then fades away. He notices a few sad looks from the audience.) NO, it's ok.....it wuz a WONG time agow.....(his back straightens and he talks to the back of the room) For those of you that don't know, my wuvwee wife Verwonica died in a pwane cwash back in 55. We were young, well young for toons......(The strength he had starts to drain away)...yeah....wuv....wuv finds YOU, and when it does...don't you ever wet it go. I'd wike to dedicate dis next won to Verwonica, it was her fav-o-wet song that I would sing for her. I think of it whenever I get down. Yeah....this wons foh Verwonica....hit it felwahs"
(The band that's been playing so softly you almost forgot they were there leaps to life and the room is filled with their spontaneous energy."
"For you my wuv......Bwue Skies shinin on me.....nuthin' but bwue skies do I see......bwue days awl of dem gone.....nuthin but bwue skies fwom now onnnnnnn..neverwah seen da sun shinin so bwight never seen tings goin so wite....counting awl da days hurwee-in by when yourwen wuv my how day fwy...bwue days awl of dem gone...."
(A man sits at the bar in the back of the room. He's been there the whole night, nursing a Jack and coke. The barkeep walks over and asks if he needs anything.)
"No, I'm good. Hey, let me ask you something. Why's a guy like that playing in some smoky dive like this?"
(The bartender, not insulted in the slightest by the crack about where he works leans on the bars and continues the conversation)
"I've wondered that myself. I finally asked him one time, and you know what he told me? He said "Kid....because I HAVE TO...it's what I do...it's all I've got...it's what I do." That's some deep shit man, I was blown away."
"Yeah but, with all the dough he's got to have from royalties....why HERE man, he could be in Vegas or...The Big Apple...somethin..."
"He says he loves the smaller crowds, it's more intimate. I'm tellin you man El, aint that the shit, he TOLD me to go ahead and call him "El" not MR.Fudd man "EL"...anyway, El is a classy dude man, Hollywood aint got shit like him anymore. He's old school man, like the Rat Pack.....Hey, did you know that Sinatra BEGGED him to join those guys, but El said that he thought nobody would take them seriously with a toon hanging out with 'em? El is all class man, he's got his small following, and that's all he needs. I feel honored just to have met him. I can tell my friggin grand-babies that I worked with Fudd man, how many people can say that?"
"Not many these days that's for sure. Hm.....I gotta tell you, he's not what I was expecting."
"I know, you thought it was going to be a bunch of "Fweeze you wascallwee wabbit Huh-uhuhuuhuh" crap right? No way man, that was an act, El isn't anything like that. HEY....You wanna meet him?"
"What? Are you kiddin? No man, I couldn't do that..I mean he's FUDD man, that guys a friggin cartoon legend. It would be like meeting some cat from phuc-n mythology, like shaking hands with Icarus or Odyseus or sumthin.."
No man, he's COOL, supercool man. He hangs out and bullshits with the staff after his shows, this is his 3rd year coming here. I'll let you stay after man, you GOTTA meet him."
(The man takes a drink of his Jack and coke and looks at Fudd as he nails the closing note of Blue Skies and holds it longer than Bobby Darin ever could."
"Yeah, that would be cool, that WOULD be cool."
"Not WOULD man, it will be, it WILL be."
(applause)
"Thank you vewy much. I apwee-ciate it. Thank you."
(He takes a drag from a cigarette that appears to be eternally burned to the filter)
"You know....when peep-o wekognize me on the stweet they will sometimes ask me...'El....do you wilwee talk wike dat?' and I we-pwy 'Of Cose I talk wike dis, whyda phuc would I tawk wike this if I didn't have to?!"
(Laughter)
"Cwazy bastards....heh...I mean seerweuswee....do I talk wike this...."
(He takes another drag off the cigarette and slowly exhales out his nose and then nods at his band. A steady "tish tita tish tita tish tita tishhhh" comes from the drums as the bass lumbers through a descending scale. The piano player barely tickles the keys every once in awhile just to let you know he's there and could rip off a dazzling display of dexterity at any moment.)
"Peep-o ask me awl tha time, they ask "El......how do I find twu wuv?" and I say to them.......you don't find wuv......wuv.....wuv finds YOU...(He turns and picks a glass of amber liquid off of the stool he's been using as a table.)..yeah.....wuv finds you....(he takes a slow sip from the glass and licks his lips. He pauses, trying to decide if he wants another drink. He gets a far away look, smiles and gently sets the glass back down.)
"I've wuved many women in my wifetime.....too many in fact...some say I fawl in wuv too easy....and maybe I do...but I've ohnwee had one twu wuv...and dat was my first wife Verwonica.....(The far away look crosses his face again and then fades away. He notices a few sad looks from the audience.) NO, it's ok.....it wuz a WONG time agow.....(his back straightens and he talks to the back of the room) For those of you that don't know, my wuvwee wife Verwonica died in a pwane cwash back in 55. We were young, well young for toons......(The strength he had starts to drain away)...yeah....wuv....wuv finds YOU, and when it does...don't you ever wet it go. I'd wike to dedicate dis next won to Verwonica, it was her fav-o-wet song that I would sing for her. I think of it whenever I get down. Yeah....this wons foh Verwonica....hit it felwahs"
(The band that's been playing so softly you almost forgot they were there leaps to life and the room is filled with their spontaneous energy."
"For you my wuv......Bwue Skies shinin on me.....nuthin' but bwue skies do I see......bwue days awl of dem gone.....nuthin but bwue skies fwom now onnnnnnn..neverwah seen da sun shinin so bwight never seen tings goin so wite....counting awl da days hurwee-in by when yourwen wuv my how day fwy...bwue days awl of dem gone...."
(A man sits at the bar in the back of the room. He's been there the whole night, nursing a Jack and coke. The barkeep walks over and asks if he needs anything.)
"No, I'm good. Hey, let me ask you something. Why's a guy like that playing in some smoky dive like this?"
(The bartender, not insulted in the slightest by the crack about where he works leans on the bars and continues the conversation)
"I've wondered that myself. I finally asked him one time, and you know what he told me? He said "Kid....because I HAVE TO...it's what I do...it's all I've got...it's what I do." That's some deep shit man, I was blown away."
"Yeah but, with all the dough he's got to have from royalties....why HERE man, he could be in Vegas or...The Big Apple...somethin..."
"He says he loves the smaller crowds, it's more intimate. I'm tellin you man El, aint that the shit, he TOLD me to go ahead and call him "El" not MR.Fudd man "EL"...anyway, El is a classy dude man, Hollywood aint got shit like him anymore. He's old school man, like the Rat Pack.....Hey, did you know that Sinatra BEGGED him to join those guys, but El said that he thought nobody would take them seriously with a toon hanging out with 'em? El is all class man, he's got his small following, and that's all he needs. I feel honored just to have met him. I can tell my friggin grand-babies that I worked with Fudd man, how many people can say that?"
"Not many these days that's for sure. Hm.....I gotta tell you, he's not what I was expecting."
"I know, you thought it was going to be a bunch of "Fweeze you wascallwee wabbit Huh-uhuhuuhuh" crap right? No way man, that was an act, El isn't anything like that. HEY....You wanna meet him?"
"What? Are you kiddin? No man, I couldn't do that..I mean he's FUDD man, that guys a friggin cartoon legend. It would be like meeting some cat from phuc-n mythology, like shaking hands with Icarus or Odyseus or sumthin.."
No man, he's COOL, supercool man. He hangs out and bullshits with the staff after his shows, this is his 3rd year coming here. I'll let you stay after man, you GOTTA meet him."
(The man takes a drink of his Jack and coke and looks at Fudd as he nails the closing note of Blue Skies and holds it longer than Bobby Darin ever could."
"Yeah, that would be cool, that WOULD be cool."
"Not WOULD man, it will be, it WILL be."
posted by Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 at 9:44 AM
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