Dancing The Ghost

Delilah
Originally uploaded by Jerk Of All Trades.

We'd been talking for hours. Talking about school, friends, anything but how she'd caught him cheating on her. She was more pissed than sad. She had called me, and asked if I could come over. She always told me how funny I was, and right now she wanted to laugh. I cracked a few jokes, did a perfect impersonation of some guy we'd seen outside of the little "teen club" we hung out at on the weekends. She laughed. I'd always liked her laugh. We were sitting on her bed. It was innocent. I'd never really thought of her "that way". Mainly because I knew, just KNEW, that I didn't stand a snowballs chance in hell of ever being with her. She had been filed under "unattainable" months ago. We were just two friends talking and laughing when she suddenly moved over and kissed me.


I was too stunned to enjoy it. What had just happened? I came back to reality and she was there; her mouth hovering inches from mine, her eyes admiring my lips as she licked hers. She bit her lip and said "I don't want to talk anymore." and with that she kissed me again. My initial shock over with, I accepted her this time. I received her tongue into my mouth, her breasts against my chest. I put my arms around her the best I could with the awkward position I was seated in. I tried to pull her INTO me. Tried to surround her and make the moment last as long as possible. Oh my fucking GOD, that moment was amazing. The first intense rush of young lust that overtakes you. That euphoria that makes you slightly dizzy, making you forget where you are....and then it was over.
She pulled away and gasped for air. My heart pounded as if it would burst out of my chest. My breathing was hard and heavy, like I'd just bolted up several flights of stairs. She reached over, turned out the lamp she had on her nightstand, pulled her shirt up over her head and threw it on the floor. I remember being surprised that her bra was white. She, I and everyone we knew dressed head to toe in black everyday, all year 'round. It was very plain; and yet so sweetly pure as it cupped her young, firm breasts. She grabbed me and pulled me on top of her as she laid back. The Sisters Of Mercy played in the background as the moonlight coming in through the window made her skin glow as if she were porcelain lit from within. I paused and took her in. In that light, at that moment, she was transformed into some dark goddess. A raven haired gift from the universe for me to behold. I leaned down and kissed her between her breasts. Her skin was even softer than I could have imagined, and it had a faint sweet scent to it that I couldn't place. She sighed and quickly grasped my head in her hands. I felt her fingers tightly grip my scalp. I slowly, one kiss at a time, made my way up her chest to her neck. She tilted her head back as I gently sucked just below her earlobe. I shifted a bit so that I could better kiss her, and as I leaned in to do so, she started to cry. What had I done wrong? What did I do? Just as I was about to ask, she sobbed "That fucking asshole" into her hands, and went into an uncontrollable spasm of crying. I hadn't done anything wrong. He had. He'd hurt her more than he could ever know. He hadn't just hurt her, he'd hurt every relationship she was ever going to have. She would always hold back. She would never trust any man wholly again. There would always be some doubt. I realized that she didn't want ME, she wanted the pain to go away.

I got up. I didn't know what to do, or say. I don't think there was anything I COULD do or say really. I wanted to hold her; I wanted to do SOMETHING. In the end I grabbed my jacket and left. I hopped on my bike and rode around for hours after that, wishing that I could've done something. Too this day, I can close my eyes and see her laying there in the moonlight. Lucretia playing softly......it's strange and magical what we remember isn't it? Lifes little slide shows.


"I hear the roar of a big machine
Two worlds and in between
Hot metal and methedrine
I hear empire down
I hear empire down

I hear the roar of a big machine
Two worlds and in between
Love lost, fire at will
Dum-dum bullets and shoot to kill, I hear
Dive bombers, and
Empire down
Empire down

I hear the sons of the city and dispossessed
Get down, get undressed
Get pretty but you and me,
We got the kingdom, we got the key
We got the empire, now as then,
We don’t doubt, we don’t take direction,
Lucretia, my reflection, dance the ghost with me

We look hard
We look through
We look hard to see for real
Such things I hear, they don’t make sense
I don’t see much evidence
I don’t feel. I don’t feel. I don’t feel

A long train held up by page on page
A hard reign held up by rage
Once a railroad
Now it’s done...

I hear the roar of a big machine
Two worlds and in between
Hot metal and methedrine
I hear empire down...

We got the empire, now as then,
We don’t doubt, we don’t take reflection,
Lucretia, my direction, dance the ghost with me....."

- Lucretia by The Sisters of Mercy